this is my hermitage. this is my refuge and my shelter. i may never feel safe, but i will feel anonymous.

    my name is kate. my pain is no less than any other's. i am dealing with it. slowly. i built this site after a bad week reminded me of ways i had felt for years, ways that i thought - hoped - i would never feel as acutely again.

    the people who hurt me will probably never see this. that's okay. they know what they did. even if they will never acknowledge it.

    the well of my hopes has turned bitter. the fabric of my dreams is unraveling. things i once thought were crucial are now trivial. what is this life i live now? am i okay? am i doing as fine as i tell everyone i am? how long can i act?

    what would my mother say?

    i'm not always thouroughly disparaging. i've been acused of being successful. i've been acused of being a happy person. i've been acused of eternal hope, by someone who had none. now i wonder where that hope went.

    like the prodigal son, i wonder, how do i return?

12 Nov:  a part of me just walked out of my head. now what?

13 Nov: "the day after", or, "the upwards swing."