It's hard to breathe now,
could you please raise my head
from beneath this murky water?
And while you're in the kitchen
another latte, please-
with a hint of amaretto, not arsenic.
And if you would, please,
those blades came rather close to my jugular-
try to be careful.
I would appreciate if you would fill in
those eight foot holes sometime.
My lawn is a mess.
Also, please don't unstring
my guitar for your tripwires.
And when you talk to me,
please point the gun away from my face.
If you fix my car again,
remember to reconnect the brakes.
By the way, you left your asp
in my sock drawer again, it's
becoming a habit you need to break.
I found the anvil over my door
rather whimsical at first-
but not the second time.
I have no need for a dead goat
or the death threat tied round its neck,
so please, don't send them anymore.
Would you mind doing me these favors?
I would for you-
hey, that's what friends are for.

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